How to know what you don't? Tips to increase awareness

My preferred way of defining self-awareness is as the capacity for introspection and the ability to recognize yourself as an individual independent from the environment and other individuals.

Is understanding your own needs, desires, habits and everything that makes you, YOU.

Why to raise your awareness?

Being fully aware of who you are, knowing and understanding yourself is the base to nurture healthy relationships. That is a huge reason! But it also is needed to:

Live the life you dream of

One of the most common behaviors associated with lack of self awareness is the seeking for external approval. That does not only impact self confidence but it can be really dangerous when it comes to making decisions.

If you care about how others perceive you, what they expect from you, what you “should do”, you are not living life on your own terms.

To do that, you have to go deep in understanding your dreams, your desires, your values, your beliefs.

Not allow your thoughts or emotions to define you

Do you call yourself “a negative person” because you have negative thoughts? Or, maybe, you describe yourself as a “mad” person when you are angry?

Specific situations trigger those negative thoughts. The things that trigger anger are precise.

By understanding and acknowledging them, you can give emotions and thoughts the dimension they have as tools to express behaviors, feelings and beliefs.

Improve your relationships

The more you get to recognize, understand and appreciate your feelings; the easier it becomes to recognise, understand and appreciate those of others.

It becomes easier to understand the differences amongst people when you acknowledge each one of us is unique, with its own set of values, drivers, dreams, interests and goals.

Understanding yourself is the key to understanding others. Understanding others is the ABC to increase and practice empathy. Empathy helps to avoid unnecessary conflict.

How to build self - awareness?

1- Listen to constructive feedback

A way to be aware of how you behave, react and the others see you, is by getting feedback.

We get feedback all the time: from our managers and peers at work, from our families, friends, pretty much from everyone we interact with.

When you receive feedback, you need to stay open and listen to what others have to say to you.

For feedback to be effective, it has to be an observation from a behaviour in a certain situation. It has to be based on facts.

It must be open and honest. It must come from a place of objectivity, with no judgment, and its main goal has to be to help the other person to see something about him/ herself.

Ask for feedback everytime you can. Pay attention to how others perceive your behaviors, your reactions. Specifically that one you want to change.

To raise the awareness on the feedback you were provided with, reflect on the following:

Which were the facts?

Did I hear this before? From who? In which situation?

Is what is perceived what I mean?

After you receive feedback, journal about it!

2- Journaling

The first step to change a behavior is to make it conscious.

Journaling is a great way to be present, to observe. By doing it you can clarify the behavior to change and identify what is causing it.

Once you have done that, you can make the conscious choices and decisions needed to change it.

Never journaled before and don’t know where to start? Here some tips:

Build a habit of it.

Pick the moment of the day you prefer. If you are not sure which one it is, try different ones until you find your favorite. A trick to create a habit is to pair the new one with an existing one you enjoy. For example, journaling while having a mug of your morning infusion and listening to relaxing music.

Pick the behavior you want to change (no more than one at a time!) and write it down. What causes it? Which situations? How do you feel in those situations? How do you feel when you behave like that? Did anyone give feedback about that specific behavior?

You might have a lot of information already about the behavior; but if you don’t spend some days observing yourself. Note the triggers, the emotions, what is going on when it shows. Ask feedback about it ;)

Brainstorm ideas that would help you break the pattern, pick one or two, and commit to practice them.

For example, let's assume during a meeting, someone brings into your attention you are in a “defensive” mode: defending yourself all the time when you are not being attacked.

After observing a few interactions, you realize you are in that mode and you decide you want to be less defensive in your day - to - day interactions.

You observe for some time your behavior and you notice what triggers it when you

feel someone is accusing you of something or giving you a responsibility that doesn’t belong to you.

What can you do to break this pattern?

Avoid taking things personal. "If it is not his responsibility, does it really mean it is mine?"

Set clear and healthy boundaries. "If it is not my responsibility, I will decline it".

It is all about consciously and objectively observing yourself, and writing about it.

Journal on how things go and how you adjust actions as the behavior evolves.

Pay attention to what starts to shift as you practice and acknowledge yourself for that!

3- Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us (mindful.org)

Mindfulness is a quality every human being already possesses. It is only a matter of learning how to access it.

There are different mindful practices. I leave you several here for you to pick the one that fits you and your lifestyle better:

Meditation

Meditation allows you to suspend judgement and unleash your natural curiosity about the workings of the mind. It involves taking the time to pay attention to where you are, your surroundings, your body.

Sit down on a comfortable position, with a straight spine. Close your eyes and pay attention through your senses Focus on your breath, without judging it. Is it deep or is it shallow? Keep breathing, noticing the air coming in and out. How does it feel now? Did it change? Is it deeper? Keep noticing your breath.

You can start by practicing for a couple of minutes per day and build up from there.

Mindful wakeup

Start the day with a purpose by setting an intention.

After waking up, and before checking your messages or emails, just sit down in a comfortable position with a straight spine, eyes closed. Take 3 deep breaths and ask yourself which is your intention for the day.

Once you know it, state it: “Today, I will…” (“Today I will be patient with others” or “Today I will have fun”, anything you feel is important for you)

Take a couple of minutes several times along the day, to make a pause, take a breath and check your intention. Is there anything you need to adjust?

Mindful eating

Make a pause before starting to eat. Breath. Slow down. Bring your attention inwards. Listen to your body, which physical sensations are you experiencing? Are you hungry? How is your body telling you so? (do you feel emptiness in your stomach?, Is your stomach growling?).

Decide what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat.

Pay attention to your meal. Do not multitask while you are eating. Enjoy the experience.

Mindful workout.

It is not about the activity you choose to do but about bringing purpose to it.

As you tie your laces before going for a walk, a run, a ride, you can say to yourself: “I will notice the breeze in my face”. You can decide to pay attention to the scenery, smell the different perfumes on your way. If your workout is indoor, you can pay attention to the sounds around you. Stay connected to your senses and how they are experiencing the activity.

As a general thing, avoid multitasking as much as possible. Efficient multitasking requires us to run in autopilot several of the things we are doing, preventing us from being present in any of them.

If y support during your Self-awareness journey, reach out booking a free conversation HERE